Again, just like the title of the last post on this column, i saw today’s title on another friend’s BBM status, and it made me want to find out what she thought and why she wrote this. It triggered thoughts in my head, and because i knew humans see things pretty differently, i didn’t want to assume. All in all, a pretty interesting discussion ensued. For me, this simply meant, if you decide on a thing, commit your energies to it by giving yourself a plan and deadline, and then begin even if you do not know it all, or if even if everything isn’t set yet. But my friend had other ideas…
Relationships, as with every other thing of value in life, takes a lot of discipline, hard-work, finances, planning, learning, sacrifice, compromise, etc. It seems to just take, take, take and take from us; so why do we still go in? Simply because there is an intrinsic intangible value that far out-weighs all the effort put into it, and humans are in a consistent drive to get to that place, that destination that an awesome relationship affords. Sadly, many of us get into relationships with our heads in the clouds or with our expectations warped. We expect so much from the other party so much we fail to consciously realize that we own our spot, that what we get will depend on what we give. Give and you will receive is a law far beyond just giving money. Take a chill and look and you will realize that what you get is just about exactly what you gave, hard as this is to agree to, it is the truth!. “how can you tell me that nice, beautiful lady produced or created for herself a relationship where she is beaten regularly?”, etc? Friends, anytime you put the blame for your output on anything outside of yourself, it is an indication of your loss of control, lack of control and proof of you being a dependent person. If you expect your joy, happiness, peace, love, romance, financial freedom, etc to be totally because someone else came into your life, you need to sit still and think again. Ask yourself, this person i expect the world from, who is going to make them happy? Who will bring them peace? Who is dealing with their issues? If they are meant to answer all my questions, who is going to answer theirs?
Everyone in life has baggage they carry, hence they need to first DECIDE, COMMIT and BEGIN with themselves first; yeah you heard that right, the thought today is not about how to decide, commit and begin a relationship with another, it’s to say before you get in, understand that you need to have decided what you want out of life for yourself and the relationship, then you commit yourself to the work that needs to be done to become the person you would love to see in that relationship, and then when you have settled this, you begin the process whether you or situations are perfect or not. You begin with the end in mind, beginning is the last task in the mental process. When you begin, understand that you are in a space to develop, grow, learn, improve and add to the other person. I like the way my pastor puts it, he says the reason a parent can bring change into the life of a child is because they love them and can connect with their soul; hence relationships are a veritable tool for you to help the person you are in love with. You love them, you connect with them deeply, you are there to help; imagine both parties having this sort of attitude.
The attitude of i am an addition, i am helping, i am an asset, is an awesome paradigm to take; what you are saying is that i am not coming in here to be dependent but i am coming in here because i am independent but i crave interdependence! Interdependence is the height of living, the best place to exist.. IF YOU WANT DIFFERENT, CHOOSE IT… God made us for more than just ourselves!