At the last count, almost everybody i know who is 20 and above has marriage set in front of them. Maybe not immediately, but mostly before 30 years. As noble an idea or plan as that may be, i am mostly alarmed that about everyone planning to get married is doing it because “it is what is supposed to happen”. It baffles me, that the only reason some people are getting married is because they have gotten to the age of settling down”. Like what? Where you unsettled before? Was your life in disarray? Is marriage the medicine that ensures and secures your settling down? Or maybe marriage is a weight that drags people down from floating around, so they now settle down. I seriously don’t get it.
I do not have a problem with marriage in itself – i will get married soon! In the same way i do not have a problem with business; i just have a problem with people doing stuff they have no idea why they are doing it. When you do business without the right knowledge, motive or mentor-ship, you crash. If the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. There is a general purpose to marriage, then there is your own purpose to marriage. to know the general purpose for marriage, is to get the “directions for use” from the manufacturer of marriage. To know your purpose for marriage is to discover yourself.
Too many people getting into marriage because society demands it as if society will be in the house to cook for your family, make money to support your home, send your family on holidays. I mean, those peppering you to get married, you need to ask them what they stand to gain from you just being married! The entire world just seems to be in a hurry to get as many people married, like that will solve the problems of the world. As a matter of fact, people getting married without purpose are in the majority and they have caused more problems in the word than anything else.
Why is everyone so passionate about people getting married at a certain age? I wouldn’t mind that passion, i only wish the same passion was used to approach young people to ask them “when are you getting your dream on?”, “when are you starting your business?”, “when are you getting more funding for your company?”, “have you discovered your purpose?”; imagine a society where people are more gingered to fund your wedding than to fund your dream, what do we expect the outcome to be? And these same elders or older ones complain about the decadence of the youth, yet the best you can do for them is pressure them into marriage.
When i look at history, old and present, i find many who didn’t get married but fulfilled their dreams and changed the world – Jesus Christ, Apostle Paul, Mother Teresa, etc. If marriage was the ticket to world change, why have the millions of married folk not turned the world around? This craze for marriage in my opinion, is just a way for people to look like they have success and public victory when they have no private victory. Why should you be bothered about your child getting married for the world to see? Train him or her well, mentor them, be there for them, let them live life and have their own experiences, pray for them and encourage whatever their dreams may be – they will find their mate in the direction of their dreams. Pressure to get married destroys the process.
I have so many friends who got married and wanted out 2 years into the marriage. Living with yourself is hard, you haven’t resolved that fact, and you want to bring another human being into the picture who still doesn’t even know this same fact. So you have two people with a horde of partying friends and family members who motivate error from every angle. Then dump both of you together and go home to their own marital problems. Guys, shine your eye. Years ago, i decided not to get married because i didn’t see too much wonderful marriages around, but thank God for exposure and mentor-ship, i got to see quite a number of fantastic marriages built on friendship, God, fun, dreams, purpose and love. When i saw what i wanted to have, i got close to these people so i could learn their secret, and i found out that they deliberately built the awesome marriage through tears and pain but they were realistic about their goals and hence worked together.
Why are you getting married? What is your goal? What do you see you both achieving? What is the legacy the world will lose if you both do not come together? How much do you know about marriage? Do not allow people who are looking for party force you into losing your life in a bid to tell others that their friends or sibling got married. Life is by design. If you are not handling your life, someone else is controlling it, and it won’t end well in their hands. One will chase a thousand, two will chase tens of thousands. Honestly, if you aren’t chasing tens of thousands yourself, be careful not to push others into wahala, advise them wisely. You need mentor-ship in marriage as in business. Marriages are built, not walked into. Marriage is for independent people who have resolved to compromise their independence for a greater purpose – INTERDEPENDENCE!
I have plenty more to say, but let me end here, Biko…